It’s been difficult for me to write recently. Fibro fog has been attacking me the last week while the rain and snow continues to come down. But, God called me to share my story, share my thoughts and share His word with those who feel how I feel many times. Lonely.
I have been fighting chronic and invisible illnesses for a while now. It all started with endometriosis 10 years ago, and today I have now added fibromyalgia, pelvic floor dysfunction, interstitial cystitis, degenerative back disease, chronic and atypical migraines, alone with all the emotional and mental illness that comes with the rest of my medical problems, and I am not afraid to share: PTSD with dissociative traits (thanks to childhood abuse, my daughter’s medical and abusive from a ex), Chronic Depression and Severe Anxiety. I am actually still battling endometriosis. That’s the facts, I am not ashamed and welcome to my life. I am sure there are many others who are trying to get through life like me, and I am here to tell you one thing: you are not alone, even though you may feel like it.
The last 2 years is when everything came to knowledge of my doctors and when my body really started to get bad, but of course it wasn’t without a fight. Invisible Chronic Illnesses many doctors and practitioners don’t believe are real and then send the patient off to a psychologist or counselor. THAT IS NOT OKAY, and you should never give up! I fight on a daily basis to put a smile on my face as I send my children off to school even though the pain is excruciating. I have had to cancel multiple times with people, business functions (can’t even work my business because of my health), even church functions, and many have given up on even calling, texting or coming to see me.
Now, I am not saying this for pity, I am far from that. This is my life and I am okay with it because I trust in Jesus and His plan for me. Yes, I hurt all day, every day because I choose not to take certain medications that make me feel worse. I have turned to God more than ever. I grew up in church, even though my family atmosphere was far from a Christian household, but I held onto my faith. My oldest daughter was born with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia and her medical journey was stressful, and caused lots of stress between me and her father. The abuse from him continued, he refused to believe I truly had my medical conditions and were never there for my procedures, and I literally lost it. Yup, I have had my share of emotional breakdowns, but this was by far the worse. I gave up, went down a dark hole of depression and lost my faith, until I met my husband. Now, we have the family that I always dreamed of, and our blended family is beautiful. I had given up the idea of having another child due to my infertility from the endometriosis, but God gave me my younger daughter Ashley when I met my husband.
The last 4 years my husband Rick has been a saint, and just in the last year, we both have found our faith together and our family has seen the power of Jesus work in our lives. He is always there for me, he goes with me to my appointments and asks his own questions. When I am stuck in bed, he cares for me. God truly sent me him for a reason, and I love him so much.
Due to the fact that Adam and Eve sinned, many people live with illness. What I find the hardest is that us with chronic illnesses that are invisible are told we are faking or over reacting for attention. If they could only step into my shoes and feel the pain and battles we face every day. But I will not allow my illness to keep me from serving the Lord in our youth ministry.
So I will end with this. Don’t give up, I know its hard and many times you feel like the world is going to end. Give it to God. Maybe you aren’t a Christian and don’t understand how He can help us. I lost my faith and my life became worse, my physical and mental health became worse from stress, but then Jesus made it clear that He was calling me back to Him and since, I have been able to make it through the battles. It’s still hard, i’m not going to lie about that, but I know that Jesus is my protector, and when He comes back to save his church, there will be no more sickness or pain.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working or us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
Love and God Bless!