Better, But Not “Better”

I am currently writing this from my phone while laying in bed in horrible pain from a flare from my Interstitial Cystitis.

I haven’t written much since May when I started back in college. What I haven’t shared with you is my husband went back to work and my kids are done with school for the summer. So my life has changed in its entirety and for the better, but that still doesn’t mean it’s been easy.

My health is better but not better. I am not sure how to say it any other way to be honest. My fibromyalgia has been better, but my bladder has gone in the opposite direction to where I have no other choice than to call up my gynecologist and reschedule the hydrodistention that I canceled earlier this month. I honestly thought I wouldn’t need it since it has been months since my bladder has gone in a flare. My back has been better until this past week when my kids were home and hubby was work, I was chasing around kids, dogs, standing and cooking, you know, all the standard stay at home mom stuff, and yet get my school work and photos edited.

Now I don’t mean to have this sound like I am complaining because I am not. I’m honestly very happy with my life and thankful God has given me these opportunities. I am overjoyed that I can do all this and have the opportunity to be with my children and go back to college for my dream. The hardest part is doing all this with chronic illnesses, and it’s even harder to find those who truly understand and can relate.

Chronic illnesses will never go away, so it’s up to me to change my outlook of them. I have no other choice because my husband is no real help staying home and caring for me. I was the one who told him he should go back to work because I’m not going to get any better unless I am having to take care of myself. The past 8 months of him being able to stay home and the past two years of him taking time off had been nice, but I never go better, and just became worse. That’s when my prayers turned into asking God what I needed to do, and that’s when I was answered with “Just live life”.

So here I am, living life. I am a domestic engineer; mother and wife, a student, photographer and Christian. I’m also a chronic illness warrior. My mindset has changed thanks to our Heavenly Father showing me the way.

So that’s what I mean when I say that I am better but not better. Mentally and physically I am, even though my conditions require consistent care and upkeep. Even though there will be days of flares where I will be down, even when I will be procedures. My mindset has gone from depressed to living life no matter what.

How are you looking life and your situations that God has handed to you? God made us this way and He is all knowing. We don’t understand but He does, so just go on and live freely!

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