Today has already been a rough day. The pain has been great, and honestly I have had a little trouble emotionally. I prayed to God asking what I should do to help me get through this, and He answered that I should focus on sharing my faith and story. It’s easy for me to get caught up with the fact that my body is going against me and I want to just bawl in bed, but instead I am praying every time I feel like crying, and God gives me peace.

Faith is something that I haven’t always had during my now decade long journey of chronic illnesses, and I can tell you during the time without it, I was miserable. With me being miserable, my family was miserable also. Without God, I can’t get through these trials.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that hew ill receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. -James 1:1-8 NKJV

Because I remain in faith, God has been showing me how faithful and righteous He really is. I am personally experiencing what the Bible tells us we will. He has even opened doors for me and my family that I never thought were a option. God’s plan and timing is perfect, and once we acknowledge that, you will feel peace as well. It breaks my heart when a fellow brother or sister in Christ loses their faith because of impatience. God’s timing is perfect, and many times He may say no to something we personally feel is best for us. God knows our future and by faith He will help us through this journey.

Faith is so important, it clearly states it in the book of James. Have you fully given your trials to God, or are you trying to tackle them yourself?



He is Risen!

He is Risen Indeed!

He is Risen! He is Risen, indeed, and thank the Lord that I was able to wake up at 4:45 this morning and my family made it to both our sunrise service and our normal service.

Now I am exhausted. I can feel my body ache, and I know that it may go into a flare soon. But what I know more than anything is that this pain is temporary. I am going to rest and read my book called Prayer: Our Glorious Privilege by Chuck Smith because I know through faith, God’s Word and prayer, that absolutely nothing is bigger than God, and there is nothing He cannot do.

I have started to look at my medical conditions, especially the fibromyalgia, as a blessing in a way. I am thankful that God made me the way I am, because my God is bigger than any sickness, and I find comfort through Him, and this is part of my ministry He has called me to.

This morning, both services said the same thing: Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice so we may live for eternity through Him and only Him; the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

There are so many times I don’t understand how someone could be an atheist. I have found more comfort through Jesus Christ than I ever did in the world. I see friends and family suffer, and totally disregard this amazing gift Jesus gave to us as we celebrate Resurrection Sunday. He has Risen, and He lives in us as Christians.

As I stated, I find blessings in the pain and suffering. The mental and emotional trials that I face, because this is part of God’s divine plan. To share with others that Jesus heals the soul, and that is all we need. Once we go to heaven, there will be no more suffering and no more pain. That’s worth the walk to me, and the everlasting love He gives.

If you don’t know Jesus as your personal savior, or maybe you, like me, have walked away from your faith. Do you feel like something is missing? I felt that too, until I, like the prodigal son, returned to my faith. Yes, because I walked away God allowed me to deal with the repercussions, but that is part of his grace. Because of the trials, I understand that I cannot live a single day without Him, without talking with Him, or being in His word. It is never to late.

Lord, I pray today for my brothers and sisters in Christ. Many of them suffer from many chronic illnesses and may feel at a loss, like there is no light at the end, but Lord, I know there is for them. I pray that you touch their hearts, and show them You are always there for them, Lord. You are the King of Kings and our strength forever, Amen.

Happy Resurrection Sunday, and God Bless You.


Resurrection Sunday: Let Go, Start New

As Sunday is about to arrive, it really had me  thinking how I have viewed Resurrection Sunday (I used to call it Easter) now compared to in the past.

My life has been nothing but constant hurdle after another. My previous marriage was broken and no matter how hard I would try, it didn’t work, and I made a decision that I thought was the only way out of the marriage which ended up hurting me and many others. I was shunned from my church and fell deep, deep into a dark hole and stayed there for a while.

Then I met my husband and my best friend. Like me, he had fell into a dark hole and was going through a lot. We knew we were meant for each other, but instead of relying on God’s timing, we took it into our own. We instantly moved in together, our daughters loved each other, and 3 months later we married. The spring after we married is when my medical conditions came to light and our journey continued from when it first started during the previous marriage. Surgery after surgery, test after test. I tried multiple different medications for my conditions, and many caused me to not act like myself and lash out at my family. Even my husband fell into a depression and fell back to what comforted him in his past; alcohol. September of this year, shortly after yet another surgery for endometriosis, God allowed us to experience the most difficult and painful lesson that we both had to face.

My PTSD with dissociative traits caused hurt and legal turmoil towards my husband, and I fell even deeper into a dark place than after my divorce. I reached my breaking point. The feelings of shame, hurt, even doubt that I was a fit mother and wife because clearly my medical conditions had caused such a issue that my husband had to pay the price. I couldn’t forgive myself. I felt as if I couldn’t be a proper mother because of the fact most days I was in so much pain, I was unable to help at their classes or move into the living room.

At this point we were at a church where we thought the Lord called us, but yet again, the feeling of shame overcame and we could feel the judgement from the church. I was again hurt from churches, but knew we needed to find one that would accepted us, even through our mistakes, and that fed us the true Word of God,  and we did.

We have been attending a very small Calvary Chapel, and they are our family. They have prayed over me and my family and anointed me with Holy oil. Through many books, including Laura Story’s When God Doesn’t Fix It and with God’s Word, I finally feel at peace, and Resurrection Sunday means so much more to me than it ever did before.

God has loved me even with the sin I have committed, the horrible sin that has been eating me away for years. He sees the medical, physical and emotional pain and suffering, and yes, He could heal me, and I believe that through faith it can truly happen, but I am not healed but I know it’s for a bigger purpose than I can imagine. For years, I have felt inadequate because of my past, having my medical and emotional conditions, I mean who would want to use me to share God’s love with anyone? God, that’s who. God gave me the most gracious husband, who loves me no matter the mistake that happened and understands It was caused by my mental sickness that I did not choose, and he loves me even with my medical conditions, and seeing him grow through the Word is so great, and my children are amazing and loving, and love the Lord so much. I am truly blessed regardless of what is going on, Jesus is always there to help us through.

Through our pain and suffering we are never alone. Jesus died on the cross for us. He loved us enough to die for our sin. When I am reminded of that, I get that feeling in my chest where I feel like I am going to cry. How can I sit and wallow in my self pity when Jesus Christ went through the most excruciating pain for all of us who choose to give our life to Him.

So this Resurrection Sunday, I urge you to look at you as God looks at you. Resurrect yourself through Jesus Christ. Give yourself wholly. It took me years of walking what I thought was the Christian walk, to completely running from Him until my life broke and I knew He was the one and only answer. The pain can be taken away by handing all your burdens to Him. He didn’t pay the ultimate price for nothing, but for us all. Sunday, YOU can live with joy through the pain. You can say “NO MORE” to the devil who is trying to pull you further from our Heavenly Father.

Remember the price He paid, bury your past, your sin and your pain and say “Jesus, I give myself fully to You, Lord. Guide me and use me in any way You see fit for me.”

Sunday is a perfect time to start fresh.