chronic illness

Surgery Success

Today was the day my lipomas were removed, but it wasn’t an easy journey to get here.

I have been sick for the last week and yesterday it became worse. I haven’t been able to do anything; photography, blogging, nothing but sleep.

The closest thing to the outdoors has been my porch. This is a new addition that we just got in September of 2017. Mothers Day my family bought me two hanging baskets. That’s also the day when my allergies kicked in, making the cold I had already worse, then triggering a horrible flare. We almost had to call the surgery off. So the fact that I am feeling better right after surgery is a good sign of the success of removing four lipomas. They originals thought I had two but I had two others deeper into the muscle…..hmmm…..no wonder why I have been having so much back pain.

I also received news that I will be having two other procedures simultaneously June 1st; a hydrodistention for my interstitial cystitis and a removal of possible endometriosis. This will make my fourth hydrodistension and my eighth laparoscopy for endometriosis. I may have those numbers wrong because of I honestly am not completely sure if that is correct. This is also very overwhelming for me and stressful. My husband is still having to stay home to help me because it will still be a while until I am fully healed from all these procedures I have had the last six months. But I also know that God is good and there is a reason for anything and I know this by personal experience. Staying in Gods word and talking with him on a daily bases has been the key, and because of this, he blesses us in return.

“A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.” -Proverbs‬ ‭28:20‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So incredibly thankful for this essential oil blend. This last month and a half has been a hard one with lots of emotions, and this bottle has helped balance them. Getting older as a woman is hard, and this will be your best friend for many years.

So now it is time to rest, and get some schoolwork done. Thank you all for the prayers and remember, stay strong through achieved trials God has given you.

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I am Hopeful

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Psalms 27:13-14 NKJV – I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!

T-minus 6 days until surgery and I am coming to terms with the fact that I will need 2 surgeries; possibly three depending on my appointment with the neurosurgeon on May 21st.  When I received the news from my gynecologist that I would need yet another hydro-distention for interstitial cystitis, and possible removal of endometriosis. I believe this would make number 5 for the hydro-distention and number 8 or 9 for endometriosis. Honestly I have lost count.

I have been pretty down knowing this news, and I am not quiet sure why it’s affecting me so much. It’s been hard to find the words, which is why I am just writing another blog post. Maybe the fact that I have been battling the endometriosis for 10 years, and it seems to continue to become worse. Maybe because I finally know my disabilities and it doesn’t even include the illnesses that affect me more on a daily basis because modern medicine doesn’t understand what I have. Who know’s but I am tired of anesthesia and procedures. But I must trust in God with everything.

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It’s honestly been a learning experience going through all of these “trials” I guess you would call them in life. People say, that God only gives us what we can handle, and I guess God must think I can handle more than I think I can myself. I couldn’t be getting through all of this without my family. They have been my rock going through all of this. They have been so understanding, and I couldn’t ask more. We have become closer throughout this whole process, which is something I never would’ve thought would happen. I have grown individually and spiritually, and thrive to grow even more. I am honestly excited about summer and all the activities that I will be able to do with the girls. Going back to school is one thing I am extremely excited about, since this is something I have wanted to always do, but it just hasn’t been the right timing. I have now realized that I am unable to do anything without God’s blessing and timing, which requires patience. If we would just listen and wait on God, maybe we wouldn’t hurt ourselves deep down inside, and maybe life would go a little smoother. Who knows, just glad that I realized this now and I am ready to continue to my less stressful life trust in God. So starting now, I am going to enjoy the little things and not stress the things (which is like everything) that is in God’s hands.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV – Trust in the Lord with al your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. 

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Here goes nothing.

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I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking lately. I know there there is more for me out there than being chronically ill. Yes, I love being a mother and wife, but I strive and yearn for something that is for me. On Saturday we had family pictures, and while speaking to our photography, I realized exactly what was needed.

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While staring through these beautiful trees to the sunlight and the misty lake, I knew that photography was my calling, but that it would help with my well being and help me get through tough times being chronically ill. When I don’t feel good and know that I need to get out, I grab my camera, and when I am focusing on what is before me, I am able to forget about how I feel. When I see the beauty through my lens, I am even more comforted knowing just how powerful God is.

Today I completed my enrollment process in order to receive my portrait photography certificate and hope to continue to receive my associates degree, if that is what God has planned for me, either way, I am excited to further my education while I am working on health. Focusing on my education will help me get through my pain and struggles, and I am excited for that. My goal is to offer portrait photography at an affordable price for families and individuals who are in the same situation as me and my family, while also sharing my photos of my local area to the businesses in town. I also want to offer it to our church and help with our church website. Plus I can share what I learn with my older daughter who has her own interest in photography.

I start May 17th, so a day after my surgery, and I am more ready than ever. I will have something to do while laying in bed. If I can fight my illnesses, I can fight anything.

My Adventures, Uncategorized

Better Day.

What a wonderful after being extremely sick for the last three weeks. Today was my husbands birthday so we enjoyed the sunshine at one of our favorite towns. Felt so good to get out and about. Doesn’t that quinoa bowl look amazing! I brought half of it home for dinner.

About a week ago I decided to go gluten free and it’s already shown a huge difference, and most of my clothes are extremely loose. I guess I have a excuse to go shopping for new clothes. Hubby actually insisted on a beautiful black dress that was on clearance and a necklace he thought was perfect for me. I am excited to wear it for Mother’s Day and the ladies tea at church.

Like I said, the last the last three weeks have been rough. The first two was a fibromyalgia flare, followed by four days of sore muscles, nausea and migraines, and all the sudden I was just tired and yesterday everything happened at once. I finally went to the doctor and they thought I maybe had diverticulitis but thankfully I didn’t. It’s been rough and at nights it’s the worse, and I feel like giving up, but having my husband next to me every night and comforting me and lifting me up in Christ, I know that I must give this trial to God because he knows my future.

My family has been my rock. We spend all of our time together when the girls aren’t in school, which may change next school year depending if the girls want to be homeschooled or not; right now it’s up to them and based on my health and what God wants us to do. We have our little spits and arguments but we always come back together. Family is extremely important to my husband and I because we never had a strong family growing up. So far, I have literally everything I ever dreamed of.

Even though I struggle through my chronic illnesses, I know I must pick myself up and continue. Through prayer, I am able to bring myself together and move on. It’s never been that way, and it has meant I have had to give up many things that were of the world, but it’s been worth it.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ all my sins have been washed away, and because of that I am free and wish this upon everyone. I have fallen rock bottom many times but God picks me up when before I relied on other people or myself which made it even harder. God is the answer. Better is one day in his courts, as the worship song says.

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Holding On

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The last few weeks as I stated a few days ago have been rough for me. Not only did I go through a two week fibromyalgia flare, but after it ended I then had to go through the aftermath of sore and twitching muscles and fatigue. It’s been like this for many years.

I used to not do very well when I went through a long flare like this, but this time was different and it’s only by the grace of God that I was able to hold on.

May is going to be a month of “who knows”. Many appointments and procedures, but I am ready. God has a plan for me, and I am already being led down the path, I just have to hold on. I am going through these medical trials to shine the light for others, and I know that is what I have been called to do. It’s not always easy, but I can say with all certainty that it’s worth it and makes us stronger, but only if we stay in prayer and the word. I have been doing daily devotionals and reading through the Bible every day. I keep a prayer journal just because I have found it easier for me to pray while I write. Whatever works for you. Just give all your burdens and struggles to God, and you will be led and these trials will become easier to go through because you aren’t doing it alone.

I spent way to many years trying to figure out my health on my own, and that was a mistake. I had more stress and fell into a deep depression, but this last flare I found joy and became more thankful for what was given to me and my eyes were opened to just how blessed I was. Pretty clear that if we accept Jesus as our Savior and give our lives to Him, happiness becomes more evident.

So today when I went to church, I was reminded by how much we are loved and if we give our lives to Jesus Christ, we are new and cleansed, and will be carried through our trials. Plus, my church family is always there for me.

You don’t have to go through these trials alone. Give them to Jesus Christ and live your life for Him, and He will lead you and carry you through. He has with me and is continuing.

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Finally, Peace.

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What does it mean to have a sense of peace? This has been a discovery for myself, and I really started to question what it really meant to have peace. I have noticed I enjoy my quiet times of prayer, reading scripture, my books, the newspaper, and I used to never be that way, until pretty recently, and it was a very simple change I made that gave me my peace within.

As I grow more my faith, I have a much higher sense of peace than I have ever had before. I used to be a worry wart. Things would happen to me that I couldn’t control and I would stress out about it to the point I would throw myself into a flare. Literally, I was giving myself pain when it was unnecessary.

Finding such a loving church, I have peace knowing I have a community who supports me and loves me. Knowing my husband is there for me and everyday he lifts me and our children up with the Lord on a daily basis, that gives me peace. The fact that I know that I am imperfect and have sinned, and God still loves me, and with me accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and following His Word, that gives me peace.

Before I came back to my faith, I was miserable. There was no peace at all. I was bitter, angry, and felt a emptiness in my heart that I tried to fulfill with multiple things; hobbies, jobs, even business opportunities, nothing fulfilled the emptiness. I truly believe that was Satan holding onto me, because I was weak without staying faithful in my relationship with God. Yet, He has saved me over and over again from a destructive cycle of depression and anxiety that I would cause myself. Once we hand our lives back over to God, He is in control.

Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. -Psalms 55:22 NKJV

Hand your burdens to Him because He is there for us always. Why go through unnecessary pain when you are able to give all our burdens and worries to the God that created us and knows our future? The answer is you don’t have to. Pray to God, and He will release you from your pain, and you will finally be at peace. God is truthfully amazing, and I can promise you that.

 

 

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Faith

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Today has already been a rough day. The pain has been great, and honestly I have had a little trouble emotionally. I prayed to God asking what I should do to help me get through this, and He answered that I should focus on sharing my faith and story. It’s easy for me to get caught up with the fact that my body is going against me and I want to just bawl in bed, but instead I am praying every time I feel like crying, and God gives me peace.

Faith is something that I haven’t always had during my now decade long journey of chronic illnesses, and I can tell you during the time without it, I was miserable. With me being miserable, my family was miserable also. Without God, I can’t get through these trials.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that hew ill receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. -James 1:1-8 NKJV

Because I remain in faith, God has been showing me how faithful and righteous He really is. I am personally experiencing what the Bible tells us we will. He has even opened doors for me and my family that I never thought were a option. God’s plan and timing is perfect, and once we acknowledge that, you will feel peace as well. It breaks my heart when a fellow brother or sister in Christ loses their faith because of impatience. God’s timing is perfect, and many times He may say no to something we personally feel is best for us. God knows our future and by faith He will help us through this journey.

Faith is so important, it clearly states it in the book of James. Have you fully given your trials to God, or are you trying to tackle them yourself?

-Shanell