My Adventures, Uncategorized

Better Day.

What a wonderful after being extremely sick for the last three weeks. Today was my husbands birthday so we enjoyed the sunshine at one of our favorite towns. Felt so good to get out and about. Doesn’t that quinoa bowl look amazing! I brought half of it home for dinner.

About a week ago I decided to go gluten free and it’s already shown a huge difference, and most of my clothes are extremely loose. I guess I have a excuse to go shopping for new clothes. Hubby actually insisted on a beautiful black dress that was on clearance and a necklace he thought was perfect for me. I am excited to wear it for Mother’s Day and the ladies tea at church.

Like I said, the last the last three weeks have been rough. The first two was a fibromyalgia flare, followed by four days of sore muscles, nausea and migraines, and all the sudden I was just tired and yesterday everything happened at once. I finally went to the doctor and they thought I maybe had diverticulitis but thankfully I didn’t. It’s been rough and at nights it’s the worse, and I feel like giving up, but having my husband next to me every night and comforting me and lifting me up in Christ, I know that I must give this trial to God because he knows my future.

My family has been my rock. We spend all of our time together when the girls aren’t in school, which may change next school year depending if the girls want to be homeschooled or not; right now it’s up to them and based on my health and what God wants us to do. We have our little spits and arguments but we always come back together. Family is extremely important to my husband and I because we never had a strong family growing up. So far, I have literally everything I ever dreamed of.

Even though I struggle through my chronic illnesses, I know I must pick myself up and continue. Through prayer, I am able to bring myself together and move on. It’s never been that way, and it has meant I have had to give up many things that were of the world, but it’s been worth it.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ all my sins have been washed away, and because of that I am free and wish this upon everyone. I have fallen rock bottom many times but God picks me up when before I relied on other people or myself which made it even harder. God is the answer. Better is one day in his courts, as the worship song says.

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Another Rollercoaster

Today I had my follow-up for my spine injections. I had my second injection just about three weeks ago and the relief was none. My doctor is now sending me to a neurosurgeon for an opinion as to what the next path of treatment will be.

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Yay! (😒) Just another specialist to add to my crazy list of doctors who are part of my chronic illness journey. Friday I see the general surgeon for the lipomas on my back, so that should be interesting. Meanwhile while waiting for my doctor to come into my exam room, my gynecologist who specializes in over half of my invisible illness gave me the news that I have a bladder infection inside of my bladder that’s diseased with interstitial cystitis, which explains why I am having horrible pain around my pelvic area. Oh! And I am still waiting on rheumatology.

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Truth be told, I’m scared. My pain is an eight and goes up to a ten at night. All of my body had been in some sort of flare for five days now. My degenerative disc disease and bluffed discs at L4/S1 are is creating my left leg to go dead and pain in my left hip, that is flaring up my pelvic floor myalgia, the bladder is flared from the infection, and all of those flared up my fibromyalgia. Yesterday I slept all day and couldn’t even leave my bed. So yeah, I’m all sorts of flares! img_3201

Life isn’t easy. The trials we face are of all different sorts which teach us lessons as we go through the journey. When my journey all started ten years ago and they kept telling me that I needed to see multiple specialists, I would immediately go into a panic attack, but today I didn’t. Today was different and there was just one reason why: my relationship with God. Plus the fact my husband is with me, that always helps. img_3239

The closer I have become to God the easier my life has become, but that doesn’t just come freely. It’s a relationship, a continuous and faithful one at that. That’s what gives me this freedom. As relationships with others consist of mutual love and respect, it is the same with our relationship with God. If we expect something from God yet don’t give him what He has clearly written in God’s Word (trust, faith in Him, the list goes on), that’s not truly a relationship with Him. Do you constantly ask your friends or spouse to do something and when they ask of something of you, you completely ignore it? Is that a relationship? Nope.

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Because I have been listening to Gods Word and trusting what it says and Him in general, I have been able to get through my trials and this journey much better. It has also opened many doors for me and our family in ways I can’t even imagine. Sure, I’m being sent to yet another specialist and am not healed or even close to it, but I trust His plan because He is the maker of me and my future. I have no right to intervene with our maker, and He knows what’s best for me. I used to fight and try to solve issues by my own ways, and it would just cause me further pain, both emotionally and physically. But once I gave my trust unto God, I have peace because when I pray, and I mean truly pray and have a full conversation with God, and after learning how to discern His voice, I know everything will be ok and He is using these trials to help others and to show me where He wants to use me in this world.

One learns the deepest meaning of faith during the biggest trials of their lives. Sure, this is going to be a new and crazy rollercoaster ride because of the new specialists being added, but I’m ready. I am chronically faithful and forever will be because my future has already been written and He is showing me a little at a time.

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A Glimmer of Hope and Grace

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With this being the first time writing about the Daily Prompt, I wanted to make sure it came from my heart.

God’s unwavering grace has been glimmering all around me, and it wasn’t until December I started to notice that this glimmer of light was always there, especially during the darkness that tainted my way of thinking and viewing my life.

I am only 28 years old and my life has been nothing compared to what I had planned for myself. I never planned on becoming ill, let alone be set with chronic invisible illnesses to the point of disability. The plan was to complete college and find my dream career, or so I thought.

10 years ago when my journey of chronic illness began, I never would’ve pictured myself where I am today. The trials are hard, and my faith remained broken, until I cried out unto God when my flesh could no longer take the pain. All this time, there was a glimmer of His Grace out there, but my eyes were to busy focusing on what can’t be changed or fix instead of what I can do with His help. I love the story of Peter when he saw Jesus walking on water. I can relate to this account with my own personal experiences on more than one occasion.

Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. -Matthew 14: 26-33 NKJV

Jesus was the glimmer that Peter could see, but the second he took his eyes off of it, and focused on the wind (the darkness), he began to sink.

I am still in my storm, but instead of focusing on the strong winds and giant pounding waves of pain, my focus is set on the glimmer of light, Jesus Christ. I have found new hobbies that I greatly enjoy such as reading and writing, and am currently taking courses to broaden my knowledge further and to become a much better writer, and very possibly make a career out of it; whatever God has planned for me. I am no longer pursuing college, but focusing on God, my family and being a Proverbs 31 woman. And here’s the thing. The closer you get to Him, that glimmer becomes a shimmer, and soon a beautiful glistening glow that you give off yourself.

Focus on the glimmer of hope and His grace that is ahead, and you will not sink.

via Daily Prompt: Glimmer