My Adventures, Uncategorized

Better Day.

What a wonderful after being extremely sick for the last three weeks. Today was my husbands birthday so we enjoyed the sunshine at one of our favorite towns. Felt so good to get out and about. Doesn’t that quinoa bowl look amazing! I brought half of it home for dinner.

About a week ago I decided to go gluten free and it’s already shown a huge difference, and most of my clothes are extremely loose. I guess I have a excuse to go shopping for new clothes. Hubby actually insisted on a beautiful black dress that was on clearance and a necklace he thought was perfect for me. I am excited to wear it for Mother’s Day and the ladies tea at church.

Like I said, the last the last three weeks have been rough. The first two was a fibromyalgia flare, followed by four days of sore muscles, nausea and migraines, and all the sudden I was just tired and yesterday everything happened at once. I finally went to the doctor and they thought I maybe had diverticulitis but thankfully I didn’t. It’s been rough and at nights it’s the worse, and I feel like giving up, but having my husband next to me every night and comforting me and lifting me up in Christ, I know that I must give this trial to God because he knows my future.

My family has been my rock. We spend all of our time together when the girls aren’t in school, which may change next school year depending if the girls want to be homeschooled or not; right now it’s up to them and based on my health and what God wants us to do. We have our little spits and arguments but we always come back together. Family is extremely important to my husband and I because we never had a strong family growing up. So far, I have literally everything I ever dreamed of.

Even though I struggle through my chronic illnesses, I know I must pick myself up and continue. Through prayer, I am able to bring myself together and move on. It’s never been that way, and it has meant I have had to give up many things that were of the world, but it’s been worth it.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ all my sins have been washed away, and because of that I am free and wish this upon everyone. I have fallen rock bottom many times but God picks me up when before I relied on other people or myself which made it even harder. God is the answer. Better is one day in his courts, as the worship song says.

Uncategorized

Another Rollercoaster

Today I had my follow-up for my spine injections. I had my second injection just about three weeks ago and the relief was none. My doctor is now sending me to a neurosurgeon for an opinion as to what the next path of treatment will be.

img_3236

Yay! (😒) Just another specialist to add to my crazy list of doctors who are part of my chronic illness journey. Friday I see the general surgeon for the lipomas on my back, so that should be interesting. Meanwhile while waiting for my doctor to come into my exam room, my gynecologist who specializes in over half of my invisible illness gave me the news that I have a bladder infection inside of my bladder that’s diseased with interstitial cystitis, which explains why I am having horrible pain around my pelvic area. Oh! And I am still waiting on rheumatology.

img_3237-1

Truth be told, I’m scared. My pain is an eight and goes up to a ten at night. All of my body had been in some sort of flare for five days now. My degenerative disc disease and bluffed discs at L4/S1 are is creating my left leg to go dead and pain in my left hip, that is flaring up my pelvic floor myalgia, the bladder is flared from the infection, and all of those flared up my fibromyalgia. Yesterday I slept all day and couldn’t even leave my bed. So yeah, I’m all sorts of flares! img_3201

Life isn’t easy. The trials we face are of all different sorts which teach us lessons as we go through the journey. When my journey all started ten years ago and they kept telling me that I needed to see multiple specialists, I would immediately go into a panic attack, but today I didn’t. Today was different and there was just one reason why: my relationship with God. Plus the fact my husband is with me, that always helps. img_3239

The closer I have become to God the easier my life has become, but that doesn’t just come freely. It’s a relationship, a continuous and faithful one at that. That’s what gives me this freedom. As relationships with others consist of mutual love and respect, it is the same with our relationship with God. If we expect something from God yet don’t give him what He has clearly written in God’s Word (trust, faith in Him, the list goes on), that’s not truly a relationship with Him. Do you constantly ask your friends or spouse to do something and when they ask of something of you, you completely ignore it? Is that a relationship? Nope.

img_3098-1

Because I have been listening to Gods Word and trusting what it says and Him in general, I have been able to get through my trials and this journey much better. It has also opened many doors for me and our family in ways I can’t even imagine. Sure, I’m being sent to yet another specialist and am not healed or even close to it, but I trust His plan because He is the maker of me and my future. I have no right to intervene with our maker, and He knows what’s best for me. I used to fight and try to solve issues by my own ways, and it would just cause me further pain, both emotionally and physically. But once I gave my trust unto God, I have peace because when I pray, and I mean truly pray and have a full conversation with God, and after learning how to discern His voice, I know everything will be ok and He is using these trials to help others and to show me where He wants to use me in this world.

One learns the deepest meaning of faith during the biggest trials of their lives. Sure, this is going to be a new and crazy rollercoaster ride because of the new specialists being added, but I’m ready. I am chronically faithful and forever will be because my future has already been written and He is showing me a little at a time.

Uncategorized

A Glimmer of Hope and Grace

img_3066

With this being the first time writing about the Daily Prompt, I wanted to make sure it came from my heart.

God’s unwavering grace has been glimmering all around me, and it wasn’t until December I started to notice that this glimmer of light was always there, especially during the darkness that tainted my way of thinking and viewing my life.

I am only 28 years old and my life has been nothing compared to what I had planned for myself. I never planned on becoming ill, let alone be set with chronic invisible illnesses to the point of disability. The plan was to complete college and find my dream career, or so I thought.

10 years ago when my journey of chronic illness began, I never would’ve pictured myself where I am today. The trials are hard, and my faith remained broken, until I cried out unto God when my flesh could no longer take the pain. All this time, there was a glimmer of His Grace out there, but my eyes were to busy focusing on what can’t be changed or fix instead of what I can do with His help. I love the story of Peter when he saw Jesus walking on water. I can relate to this account with my own personal experiences on more than one occasion.

Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. -Matthew 14: 26-33 NKJV

Jesus was the glimmer that Peter could see, but the second he took his eyes off of it, and focused on the wind (the darkness), he began to sink.

I am still in my storm, but instead of focusing on the strong winds and giant pounding waves of pain, my focus is set on the glimmer of light, Jesus Christ. I have found new hobbies that I greatly enjoy such as reading and writing, and am currently taking courses to broaden my knowledge further and to become a much better writer, and very possibly make a career out of it; whatever God has planned for me. I am no longer pursuing college, but focusing on God, my family and being a Proverbs 31 woman. And here’s the thing. The closer you get to Him, that glimmer becomes a shimmer, and soon a beautiful glistening glow that you give off yourself.

Focus on the glimmer of hope and His grace that is ahead, and you will not sink.

via Daily Prompt: Glimmer

Uncategorized

#WomenDisciples – Be Silent No More

Recently I have been told that due to the verse in 1 Timothy 2:11-13 which states “Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.” that this means I should be completely silenced and not share the Gospel. That is completely false. Lets take a look at a few women disciples and perfect examples of women who served and spread the Gospel. The information was found in my husbands Bible from a excerpt by Mary A. Kassian, called The Bible and Women at the beginning of 2 Timothy.

Since the verse that has been thrown around at me on Twitter is from 1 Timothy, we will start and talk about Timothy’s mother and grandmother; Eunice and Lois. Paul gives them an enormous amount of credit for carefully teaching Timothy the Scripture and Doctrine of our Faith. Another interesting fact is Timothy’s father was a unbeliever, so he had no influence in his Spiritual training.

Lets go ahead and move onto 2 Timothy 3:14-17 which is a very well known verse from Paul (who is the author of both 1 and 2 Timothy) “But you must continue in things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Eunice and Lois in no way disregarded or disrespected scripture, but they held the scriptures to the highest practice and led Timothy towards Christ. They were women disciples.

Now, in absolutely NO way do I agree with women preaching. That is clear in the God’s Word that it is not of God, but women disciples, that is totally different.  2 Timothy 2:15 gives women a perfect outline for how women should use scripture, as God has commanded. “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Also Titus 2:3-4 that says “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.” If you Google “disciple” and look at the synonyms, they include the following: follower, believer, admirer, advocate, upholder, learner, etc.

So here it is. Women should not speak above men at church. God has instructed throughout the Old Testament and the New that women should not be preachers, but are called to be disciples of God.

So here is my question: Why are we so silenced? Right now, with the world it is today, especially going on with our children, and Proverbs 31 clearly lays out our responsibility for our household, that includes to care for our husbands and children. Right now is the most important time to be #WomenDisciples and to be examples to our children. God is NOT dead, so we have no reason to be silent. Women of God, let’s spread the Gospel and train up our children and bring Jesus back where He belongs in America.

Uncategorized

Ministry from the Sofa

img_2850

Happy Wednesday everyone. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was going to talk about today, until God told me I should share as to why I even started this blog in the first place: as a ministry that I can do from home since I am disabled.

First of all, today is my first day ALONE in my house, minus my ginormous Husky/German shepherds, but they are just chillin’ next to me on the floor. So, I am going to be working on a Podcast today (hopefully, we shall see how it works)

But back to what I wanted to talk to you guys about was ministry. Many people, I was once included, believe that in order to serve on a ministry, you must PHYSICALLY serve. I can tell you first hand that is not true, and the Bible never said that either (I looked that up). Of course our Father wants to see us serving in the church (and when I say church, meaning the building) but we must also serve THE church: all Christians around the globe. In the Bible, in Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” This includes a building, but can also sitting together with someone and speaking of Him, even a phone call, and I firmly believe that when there are two or more gathered even online talking about Him, praying and in fellowship, that God is with all of us.

I have not talked much about my medical conditions because I feel a bit like I am rambling, but I will list them off now: Endometriosis, Intersticial Cystitis, Pelvic Floor Myalgia, Fybromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Atypical and Chronic Migraines, Chronic Depression, Severe Anxiety, PTSD with dissociative traits and I just found out I have lymphomas on my back. We found the church God called us to, but with all of these medical conditions, it has been hard to consistently serve, and it really brought me down. Not to mention being a mom and wife, it can be very frustrating. I had let all of my illness, both physical, mental and emotional, take over me the whole winter, until I had an awakening through our Father and started Chronically Faithful.

I spent hours searching online for a podcast, website, blog, even Instagram for those who have any sort of chronic illness and is looking for some help, prayer, and even friends. This is a ministry I can do from home on the worse of days, and you can too. Being chronically ill gives us the opportunity to not only uplift others through God’s word and everlasting love, but also will help ourselves. I know it has helped me. Keep fighting the good fight, and feel free to contact me up above. I would love to hear from and and pray for you or even talk.

God Bless,

Shanell

Uncategorized

Resurrection Sunday: Let Go, Start New

As Sunday is about to arrive, it really had me  thinking how I have viewed Resurrection Sunday (I used to call it Easter) now compared to in the past.

My life has been nothing but constant hurdle after another. My previous marriage was broken and no matter how hard I would try, it didn’t work, and I made a decision that I thought was the only way out of the marriage which ended up hurting me and many others. I was shunned from my church and fell deep, deep into a dark hole and stayed there for a while.

Then I met my husband and my best friend. Like me, he had fell into a dark hole and was going through a lot. We knew we were meant for each other, but instead of relying on God’s timing, we took it into our own. We instantly moved in together, our daughters loved each other, and 3 months later we married. The spring after we married is when my medical conditions came to light and our journey continued from when it first started during the previous marriage. Surgery after surgery, test after test. I tried multiple different medications for my conditions, and many caused me to not act like myself and lash out at my family. Even my husband fell into a depression and fell back to what comforted him in his past; alcohol. September of this year, shortly after yet another surgery for endometriosis, God allowed us to experience the most difficult and painful lesson that we both had to face.

My PTSD with dissociative traits caused hurt and legal turmoil towards my husband, and I fell even deeper into a dark place than after my divorce. I reached my breaking point. The feelings of shame, hurt, even doubt that I was a fit mother and wife because clearly my medical conditions had caused such a issue that my husband had to pay the price. I couldn’t forgive myself. I felt as if I couldn’t be a proper mother because of the fact most days I was in so much pain, I was unable to help at their classes or move into the living room.

At this point we were at a church where we thought the Lord called us, but yet again, the feeling of shame overcame and we could feel the judgement from the church. I was again hurt from churches, but knew we needed to find one that would accepted us, even through our mistakes, and that fed us the true Word of God,  and we did.

We have been attending a very small Calvary Chapel, and they are our family. They have prayed over me and my family and anointed me with Holy oil. Through many books, including Laura Story’s When God Doesn’t Fix It and with God’s Word, I finally feel at peace, and Resurrection Sunday means so much more to me than it ever did before.

God has loved me even with the sin I have committed, the horrible sin that has been eating me away for years. He sees the medical, physical and emotional pain and suffering, and yes, He could heal me, and I believe that through faith it can truly happen, but I am not healed but I know it’s for a bigger purpose than I can imagine. For years, I have felt inadequate because of my past, having my medical and emotional conditions, I mean who would want to use me to share God’s love with anyone? God, that’s who. God gave me the most gracious husband, who loves me no matter the mistake that happened and understands It was caused by my mental sickness that I did not choose, and he loves me even with my medical conditions, and seeing him grow through the Word is so great, and my children are amazing and loving, and love the Lord so much. I am truly blessed regardless of what is going on, Jesus is always there to help us through.

Through our pain and suffering we are never alone. Jesus died on the cross for us. He loved us enough to die for our sin. When I am reminded of that, I get that feeling in my chest where I feel like I am going to cry. How can I sit and wallow in my self pity when Jesus Christ went through the most excruciating pain for all of us who choose to give our life to Him.

So this Resurrection Sunday, I urge you to look at you as God looks at you. Resurrect yourself through Jesus Christ. Give yourself wholly. It took me years of walking what I thought was the Christian walk, to completely running from Him until my life broke and I knew He was the one and only answer. The pain can be taken away by handing all your burdens to Him. He didn’t pay the ultimate price for nothing, but for us all. Sunday, YOU can live with joy through the pain. You can say “NO MORE” to the devil who is trying to pull you further from our Heavenly Father.

Remember the price He paid, bury your past, your sin and your pain and say “Jesus, I give myself fully to You, Lord. Guide me and use me in any way You see fit for me.”

Sunday is a perfect time to start fresh.