My Adventures, Uncategorized

Better Day.

What a wonderful after being extremely sick for the last three weeks. Today was my husbands birthday so we enjoyed the sunshine at one of our favorite towns. Felt so good to get out and about. Doesn’t that quinoa bowl look amazing! I brought half of it home for dinner.

About a week ago I decided to go gluten free and it’s already shown a huge difference, and most of my clothes are extremely loose. I guess I have a excuse to go shopping for new clothes. Hubby actually insisted on a beautiful black dress that was on clearance and a necklace he thought was perfect for me. I am excited to wear it for Mother’s Day and the ladies tea at church.

Like I said, the last the last three weeks have been rough. The first two was a fibromyalgia flare, followed by four days of sore muscles, nausea and migraines, and all the sudden I was just tired and yesterday everything happened at once. I finally went to the doctor and they thought I maybe had diverticulitis but thankfully I didn’t. It’s been rough and at nights it’s the worse, and I feel like giving up, but having my husband next to me every night and comforting me and lifting me up in Christ, I know that I must give this trial to God because he knows my future.

My family has been my rock. We spend all of our time together when the girls aren’t in school, which may change next school year depending if the girls want to be homeschooled or not; right now it’s up to them and based on my health and what God wants us to do. We have our little spits and arguments but we always come back together. Family is extremely important to my husband and I because we never had a strong family growing up. So far, I have literally everything I ever dreamed of.

Even though I struggle through my chronic illnesses, I know I must pick myself up and continue. Through prayer, I am able to bring myself together and move on. It’s never been that way, and it has meant I have had to give up many things that were of the world, but it’s been worth it.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ all my sins have been washed away, and because of that I am free and wish this upon everyone. I have fallen rock bottom many times but God picks me up when before I relied on other people or myself which made it even harder. God is the answer. Better is one day in his courts, as the worship song says.

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Faith

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Today has already been a rough day. The pain has been great, and honestly I have had a little trouble emotionally. I prayed to God asking what I should do to help me get through this, and He answered that I should focus on sharing my faith and story. It’s easy for me to get caught up with the fact that my body is going against me and I want to just bawl in bed, but instead I am praying every time I feel like crying, and God gives me peace.

Faith is something that I haven’t always had during my now decade long journey of chronic illnesses, and I can tell you during the time without it, I was miserable. With me being miserable, my family was miserable also. Without God, I can’t get through these trials.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that hew ill receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. -James 1:1-8 NKJV

Because I remain in faith, God has been showing me how faithful and righteous He really is. I am personally experiencing what the Bible tells us we will. He has even opened doors for me and my family that I never thought were a option. God’s plan and timing is perfect, and once we acknowledge that, you will feel peace as well. It breaks my heart when a fellow brother or sister in Christ loses their faith because of impatience. God’s timing is perfect, and many times He may say no to something we personally feel is best for us. God knows our future and by faith He will help us through this journey.

Faith is so important, it clearly states it in the book of James. Have you fully given your trials to God, or are you trying to tackle them yourself?

-Shanell

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Welcome to my life of Chronic Illness

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It’s been difficult for me to write recently. Fibro fog has been attacking me the last week while the rain and snow continues to come down. But, God called me to share my story, share my thoughts and share His word with those who feel how I feel many times. Lonely.

I have been fighting chronic and invisible illnesses for a while now. It all started with endometriosis 10 years ago, and today I have now added fibromyalgia, pelvic floor dysfunction, interstitial cystitis, degenerative back disease, chronic and atypical migraines, alone with all the emotional and mental illness that comes with the rest of my medical problems, and I am not afraid to share: PTSD with dissociative traits (thanks to childhood abuse, my daughter’s medical and abusive from a ex), Chronic Depression and Severe Anxiety. I am actually still battling endometriosis. That’s the facts, I am not ashamed and welcome to my life. I am sure there are many others who are trying to get through life like me, and I am here to tell you one thing:  you are not alone, even though you may feel like it.img_1610

The last 2 years is when everything came to knowledge of my doctors and when my body really started to get bad, but of course it wasn’t without a fight. Invisible Chronic Illnesses many doctors and practitioners don’t believe are real and then send the patient off to a psychologist or counselor. THAT IS NOT OKAY, and you should never give up! I fight on a daily basis to put a smile on my face as I send my children off to school even though the pain is excruciating. I have had to cancel multiple times with people, business functions (can’t even work my business because of my health), even church functions, and many have given up on even calling, texting or coming to see me.

Now, I am not saying this for pity, I am far from that. This is my life and I am okay with it because I trust in Jesus and His plan for me. Yes, I hurt all day, every day because I choose not to take certain medications that make me feel worse. I have turned to God more than ever. I grew up in church, even though my family atmosphere was far from a Christian household, but I held onto my faith. My oldest daughter was born with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia and her medical journey was stressful, and caused lots of stress between me and her father. The abuse from him continued, he refused to believe I truly had my medical conditions and were never there for my procedures, and I literally lost it. Yup, I have had my share of emotional breakdowns, but this was by far the worse. I gave up, went down a dark hole of depression and lost my faith, until I met my husband. Now, we have the family that I always dreamed of, and our blended family is beautiful. I had given up the idea of having another child due to my infertility from the endometriosis, but God gave me my younger daughter Ashley when I met my husband.

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The last 4 years my husband Rick has been a saint, and just in the last year, we both have found our faith together and our family has seen the power of Jesus work in our lives. He is always there for me, he goes with me to my appointments and asks his own questions. When I am stuck in bed, he cares for me. God truly sent me him for a reason, and I love him so much.

Due to the fact that Adam and Eve sinned, many people live with illness. What I find the hardest is that us with chronic illnesses that are invisible are told we are faking or over reacting for attention. If they could only step into my shoes and feel the pain and battles we face every day. But I will not allow my illness to keep me from serving the Lord in our youth ministry.

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So I will end with this. Don’t give up, I know its hard and many times you feel like the world is going to end. Give it to God. Maybe you aren’t a Christian and don’t understand how He can help us. I lost my faith and my life became worse, my physical and mental health became worse from stress, but then Jesus made it clear that He was calling me back to Him and since, I have been able to make it through the battles. It’s still hard, i’m not going to lie about that, but I know that Jesus is my protector, and when He comes back to save his church, there will be no more sickness or pain.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working or us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Love and God Bless!

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Ministry from the Sofa

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Happy Wednesday everyone. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was going to talk about today, until God told me I should share as to why I even started this blog in the first place: as a ministry that I can do from home since I am disabled.

First of all, today is my first day ALONE in my house, minus my ginormous Husky/German shepherds, but they are just chillin’ next to me on the floor. So, I am going to be working on a Podcast today (hopefully, we shall see how it works)

But back to what I wanted to talk to you guys about was ministry. Many people, I was once included, believe that in order to serve on a ministry, you must PHYSICALLY serve. I can tell you first hand that is not true, and the Bible never said that either (I looked that up). Of course our Father wants to see us serving in the church (and when I say church, meaning the building) but we must also serve THE church: all Christians around the globe. In the Bible, in Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” This includes a building, but can also sitting together with someone and speaking of Him, even a phone call, and I firmly believe that when there are two or more gathered even online talking about Him, praying and in fellowship, that God is with all of us.

I have not talked much about my medical conditions because I feel a bit like I am rambling, but I will list them off now: Endometriosis, Intersticial Cystitis, Pelvic Floor Myalgia, Fybromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Atypical and Chronic Migraines, Chronic Depression, Severe Anxiety, PTSD with dissociative traits and I just found out I have lymphomas on my back. We found the church God called us to, but with all of these medical conditions, it has been hard to consistently serve, and it really brought me down. Not to mention being a mom and wife, it can be very frustrating. I had let all of my illness, both physical, mental and emotional, take over me the whole winter, until I had an awakening through our Father and started Chronically Faithful.

I spent hours searching online for a podcast, website, blog, even Instagram for those who have any sort of chronic illness and is looking for some help, prayer, and even friends. This is a ministry I can do from home on the worse of days, and you can too. Being chronically ill gives us the opportunity to not only uplift others through God’s word and everlasting love, but also will help ourselves. I know it has helped me. Keep fighting the good fight, and feel free to contact me up above. I would love to hear from and and pray for you or even talk.

God Bless,

Shanell

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I Broke….

Last night, I broke. My oldest daughter came home from her bio-dads and I could tell something was up. She was hiding behind her book crying, so finally I was able to get her into her room to talk with her.

“Why aren’t you happy?” I asked her. “I’m not happy because you aren’t happy”, she said……I broke inside. She continued to let me know that I am always in bed and having to take medication that makes me sleepy, and she isn’t happy about it.

I can honestly say that I feel like a horrible parent, because while fighting chronic illness, sometimes I do forget the emotional well being of my children, deep down inside their hearts. I hear them play and feel that they are having fun and are fine, but clearly having me stuck in bed has hurt at least Ayda the most. My youngest, Ashley, is much more understanding, but she is also younger, and when Ayda was her age, I was much more healthy and active.

So last night, after saying goodnight and praying with my girls, I went into my room and broke down, and allowed Satan to attack me and my faith. Again, I started to ask Why God? Why me? How can I be a proper mother while I am facing all these medical conditions and they continue to add on.

My dear loving husband sat there, held me and listened to me until I fell asleep, after being awake since 4am.

So this morning, I woke up, feeling much better than I was expecting after attending not only Sunrise Service yesterday, but going back to our church for our regular service and brunch. I was able to wake up the girls, help them with their devotionals, and I was even able to drive them to school! Now, I am in bed resting, so when I go to pick them up, I can move out into the family room with them.

God answered my own prayer deep inside. The prayer that I didn’t feel like I truly prayed, but it doesn’t take a perfectly written prayer for God to know how we feel. My silent cry God answered the next morning. He made me well enough so I could spend the morning with my girls and drive them to school.

I honestly haven’t given it all to God, that is something that I am working on. It’s hard, because as humans being in the flesh, we think that we can fix it. We can’t and never will. Only God can, and without having a personal, I mean REALLY personal relationship with Him, He will allow us to suffer because it is our decision to accept Him. As a Christian, we always have room to grow. Personally, I am working right now on growing in Faith and Prayer. img_2828

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Welcome

Hi everyone. My name is Shanell, and I am glad to have you join me. I have been deemed chronically ill for some years, but it hasn’t been until recently that it has taken a massive turn and finally received disability (cue happy dance). Let’s be honest: being chronically ill is rough. The depression, anxiety, pain, just the fact that we are unable to do things that we once loved, it can really get to us and often forget that our amazing heavenly Father has a divine plan for us and is capable of anything, including healing. Then, about a week ago, God gave me a vision of creating a ministry for those who have a chronic illness and either are Christians or are looking for that missing piece, which is Jesus. With my own medical conditions, I am home 95% of the time. So I started this blog and a Instagram account to uplift those who are suffering, to pray for those who need it, and to offer unlimited support, because we cannot do this alone, and through Jesus, we will never be alone.