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Here goes nothing.

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I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking lately. I know there there is more for me out there than being chronically ill. Yes, I love being a mother and wife, but I strive and yearn for something that is for me. On Saturday we had family pictures, and while speaking to our photography, I realized exactly what was needed.

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While staring through these beautiful trees to the sunlight and the misty lake, I knew that photography was my calling, but that it would help with my well being and help me get through tough times being chronically ill. When I don’t feel good and know that I need to get out, I grab my camera, and when I am focusing on what is before me, I am able to forget about how I feel. When I see the beauty through my lens, I am even more comforted knowing just how powerful God is.

Today I completed my enrollment process in order to receive my portrait photography certificate and hope to continue to receive my associates degree, if that is what God has planned for me, either way, I am excited to further my education while I am working on health. Focusing on my education will help me get through my pain and struggles, and I am excited for that. My goal is to offer portrait photography at an affordable price for families and individuals who are in the same situation as me and my family, while also sharing my photos of my local area to the businesses in town. I also want to offer it to our church and help with our church website. Plus I can share what I learn with my older daughter who has her own interest in photography.

I start May 17th, so a day after my surgery, and I am more ready than ever. I will have something to do while laying in bed. If I can fight my illnesses, I can fight anything.

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Beautiful Spring Day

Today I was able to venture out of the house with my family and the dogs. We went to our family property, which is where I have always gone when I need to just clear my head or get some real country fresh air. The family property has been around since I was young, and I am so thankful I can share it with my family now.

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As we started to drive down to the property, it started to rain, and hard, but by the time we made it there, it stopped and the sun came out just in time. It was like God was showing me that everything was going to be okay.

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I have been a bit worried about my doctor appointment coming up on Tuesday. I have gone through now two sets of hip shots and no relief, and after my husband reminded me that the doctor said if the shots don’t work I would need to have the procedure to remove to matter in my spine, I instantly became nauseous. I have lost track of how many procedures I have had between all of my illnesses, and to have them remove the nasty matter caused by my degenerative disc disease and herniated discs, just makes me feel extremely uneasy. I’m a outdoorsy girl and always have been, so if this procedure is God’s will and will get me back in the wilderness in the future (mountains, not the family property), then so be it.

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I walked around the property and just prayed. Prayed that God would bless the land and that any negative and evil spirits would be removed in the name of Jesus Christ. I prayed that God would show me His plans for me and ease my nerves. He did just that, and I caught some beautiful pictures, which I felt was God telling me “You are doing it. You’re listening to Me. Continue.” I’m on the right path, and it’s been much more gentle and joyous because He is the one leading me.

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As for the surgery, not sure what the future holds, but it doesn’t matter, because God is already there and already has it planned out for me. I trust Him. He knows what is the future for not only me but my family.

Have a very blessed Saturday.

Shanell

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