My Adventures, Uncategorized

Better Day.

What a wonderful after being extremely sick for the last three weeks. Today was my husbands birthday so we enjoyed the sunshine at one of our favorite towns. Felt so good to get out and about. Doesn’t that quinoa bowl look amazing! I brought half of it home for dinner.

About a week ago I decided to go gluten free and it’s already shown a huge difference, and most of my clothes are extremely loose. I guess I have a excuse to go shopping for new clothes. Hubby actually insisted on a beautiful black dress that was on clearance and a necklace he thought was perfect for me. I am excited to wear it for Mother’s Day and the ladies tea at church.

Like I said, the last the last three weeks have been rough. The first two was a fibromyalgia flare, followed by four days of sore muscles, nausea and migraines, and all the sudden I was just tired and yesterday everything happened at once. I finally went to the doctor and they thought I maybe had diverticulitis but thankfully I didn’t. It’s been rough and at nights it’s the worse, and I feel like giving up, but having my husband next to me every night and comforting me and lifting me up in Christ, I know that I must give this trial to God because he knows my future.

My family has been my rock. We spend all of our time together when the girls aren’t in school, which may change next school year depending if the girls want to be homeschooled or not; right now it’s up to them and based on my health and what God wants us to do. We have our little spits and arguments but we always come back together. Family is extremely important to my husband and I because we never had a strong family growing up. So far, I have literally everything I ever dreamed of.

Even though I struggle through my chronic illnesses, I know I must pick myself up and continue. Through prayer, I am able to bring myself together and move on. It’s never been that way, and it has meant I have had to give up many things that were of the world, but it’s been worth it.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ all my sins have been washed away, and because of that I am free and wish this upon everyone. I have fallen rock bottom many times but God picks me up when before I relied on other people or myself which made it even harder. God is the answer. Better is one day in his courts, as the worship song says.

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Another Rollercoaster

Today I had my follow-up for my spine injections. I had my second injection just about three weeks ago and the relief was none. My doctor is now sending me to a neurosurgeon for an opinion as to what the next path of treatment will be.

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Yay! (😒) Just another specialist to add to my crazy list of doctors who are part of my chronic illness journey. Friday I see the general surgeon for the lipomas on my back, so that should be interesting. Meanwhile while waiting for my doctor to come into my exam room, my gynecologist who specializes in over half of my invisible illness gave me the news that I have a bladder infection inside of my bladder that’s diseased with interstitial cystitis, which explains why I am having horrible pain around my pelvic area. Oh! And I am still waiting on rheumatology.

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Truth be told, I’m scared. My pain is an eight and goes up to a ten at night. All of my body had been in some sort of flare for five days now. My degenerative disc disease and bluffed discs at L4/S1 are is creating my left leg to go dead and pain in my left hip, that is flaring up my pelvic floor myalgia, the bladder is flared from the infection, and all of those flared up my fibromyalgia. Yesterday I slept all day and couldn’t even leave my bed. So yeah, I’m all sorts of flares! img_3201

Life isn’t easy. The trials we face are of all different sorts which teach us lessons as we go through the journey. When my journey all started ten years ago and they kept telling me that I needed to see multiple specialists, I would immediately go into a panic attack, but today I didn’t. Today was different and there was just one reason why: my relationship with God. Plus the fact my husband is with me, that always helps. img_3239

The closer I have become to God the easier my life has become, but that doesn’t just come freely. It’s a relationship, a continuous and faithful one at that. That’s what gives me this freedom. As relationships with others consist of mutual love and respect, it is the same with our relationship with God. If we expect something from God yet don’t give him what He has clearly written in God’s Word (trust, faith in Him, the list goes on), that’s not truly a relationship with Him. Do you constantly ask your friends or spouse to do something and when they ask of something of you, you completely ignore it? Is that a relationship? Nope.

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Because I have been listening to Gods Word and trusting what it says and Him in general, I have been able to get through my trials and this journey much better. It has also opened many doors for me and our family in ways I can’t even imagine. Sure, I’m being sent to yet another specialist and am not healed or even close to it, but I trust His plan because He is the maker of me and my future. I have no right to intervene with our maker, and He knows what’s best for me. I used to fight and try to solve issues by my own ways, and it would just cause me further pain, both emotionally and physically. But once I gave my trust unto God, I have peace because when I pray, and I mean truly pray and have a full conversation with God, and after learning how to discern His voice, I know everything will be ok and He is using these trials to help others and to show me where He wants to use me in this world.

One learns the deepest meaning of faith during the biggest trials of their lives. Sure, this is going to be a new and crazy rollercoaster ride because of the new specialists being added, but I’m ready. I am chronically faithful and forever will be because my future has already been written and He is showing me a little at a time.

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Pain and the Power is Jesus

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Yesterday was one of those days. Pelvic floor injections (yeah, ouch!), so I have one more to go. Then onto my back issues.

I have never really been scared of needles, until I saw the one for my pelvic floor and back, and knew it would be painful. I have so many tattoos and never had a issues, but when you’re in a fibromyalgia flare, everything hurts. I made it through thanks to Jesus and my wonderful husband holding my hand.

Tuesday I found out of the results of my MRI and was rushed into the doctor. He showed me the images and you can see my disc actually leaking spinal fluid into my back. I knew it, I thought to myself. Degenerative Back Disease is horrible.

Through the last few years I have been asking myself constantly Why me God? What did I do to deserve this? But then I am reminded that the trials are all for a reason: to test our faith and to put our trust through Him. Satan loves to attack those who are sick when we are at our lowest, and that is when we must hold onto Jesus, stay in the Word, and continue to pray.

Unfortunately sickness and pain is part of the fall of man, and we can continue to question why me, but God has a much bigger picture than we can imagine. I know personally, when I  am in so much pain and depression sets in, its so easy to just curl up in bed, but what I should do and have started to do is pray and open up God’s word. Being chronically ill is when we must restore our relationship with Jesus Christ. He allows us to feel pain, especially if it brings us closer to Him.

Brothers and sisters in Christ. You are not alone. Our body’s may be sick, but have you put much thought into your personal relationship with Jesus Christ? He is always there to heal our hearts, and our broken relationship with Him. He loves us, and through accepting Him as your personal savior, He will hold your hand through all of the trials we must go through.

You got this. Just hand it over to Him and you will feel peace. I know I did.