Is that my longest blog title to date? I think so!
Is this going to be my quirkiest, but maybe just as deep post to date? Let’s find out together!
Within the last few years, I’ve learned that not everyone has an audible inner voice… If this information is new to you, I’m so sorry I’m the one to break it to you… haha! If you start asking around, you’ll find out that not everyone has a 24/7 inner monologue of voices, songs, memories, endless possibilities, and dreams. While this little factoid may not be the original intent of my post, it’s mind blowing to think about. But for now… let’s get back on track.
These words are for those who have that audible inner voice. For the ones who can’t seem to shut it off.. even when all you wish for is a moment of peace and quiet. You know the voice. The crazy thing is, that voice has an audible tone. Sometimes it sounds like my own voice and other times it morphs and blends into other voices. But, it always finds a way to come back in tune to mine… I want to pin point this post with this – what is the overall tone of that voice?
For those of you who can track with me on this one, you have a subconscious voice and a conscious voice. There’s that voice that is always going. This is where memories are replayed, where dreams are played out before your eyes, where music plays on a continuous loop, where random movie quotes or things a loved one {or not so loved one} lives rent free. But then there’s a conscious voice. A voice that when your subconscious voice goes too far, this voice bring it back. A voice that counsels, corrects, thinks, dreams, etc. How does this voice sound when it speaks? Is it harsh or judgemental? Is it manipulative? Is it frustrated and burnt out? Is it stressed and beaten down?
Or is it like a comforter? Is it peaceful and understanding? Is it grace-filled and accepting? Is it focused on long term goals or hung up on shortcomings? Is it focused on growth or focused on failures? Is it focused on people pleasing or bridge building? This list of questions could go on and on, but it’s important to listen to that voice and learn it’s tone… because YOU are the only one who hears it and YOU are the only one who has to tolerate it. You can change the way that voice in your head is allowed to speak to you, but let me tell you, it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of intentionality. I think deep down, it’s a “coming to terms with yourself” kind of journey. Looking back on life to this present moment and making the conscious decision to want better for yourself. It’s learning who you are and loving who you are.
As someone who visualizes everything, it is most effective to view that other voice as another me. For example, if something triggers a memory that is touchy for me to re-live, how is the “me” inside my head reacting to that memory? Is it beating myself up because I’m reliving something again, leaving me even more beaten up than I was before? Or does it come alongside that memory and say “hey. you again. it’s okay! come sit with me for a minute. teach me something new about this memory so it doesn’t hurt as bad the next time we meet. okay?”?
Can you feel the difference in those two tones?! One looks through hurt eyes while the other looks through healed eyes. This tone shift doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible to achieve…. and, please hear me when I say this, looking through hurt eyes doesn’t make you any less of a healed or growing person.
Let’s go on a itty-bitty tangent. Have you watched the movie Inside Out? It’s about the inner workings of our minds… but portrayed in a genius format! There are five characters inside each mind: Anger, Disgust, Fear, Sadness, and my personal favorite, Joy. Each emotion has the ability to create memories, instill a certain emotion in the present, and impact the overall emotion of each character. But, if you pay VERY close attention, you learn that each person has their own main emotion who controls everything. The other emotions are fully present, but it’s the main emotion that has the final say.
Circling back, what tone of voice has the final say for you? When I was younger, I used to beat myself up a lot. Growing up with Scoliosis was not easy. Wearing a brace, having surgeries, giving up sports, there were multiple things for me to feel negative about. In the moment, they were big events with big emotions. It was easy to get lost in them and feel negativity. But, as I got older, I learned that everyone eventually has big, emotion filled events. Events that deeply impact them, change the course of their lives, and call for big emotions. Now, when I revisit those memories, I try to fill them with grace.. comforting that emotional version of me and giving her space to feel it, but also finding the beauty and the lesson it taught me to be able to move on.
It hasn’t been an easy process or a smooth one… in fact, there are days when I just don’t have the space or the energy to give.. Those are the days when the music is a little louder, a book comes along and sweeps me into someone else’s story, or a friend’s free day matches with mine and we can spend time together. Anything to get me out of my own head right? But the work you put into yourself will never return void. There’s a quote at my gym that says “YOU are the best investment you can make” and honestly, that quote has been keeping me going on this self love journey. It’s learning to build bridges with your past and your present to make a path for your future.
How do you allow yourself to talk to you? I hope and pray that you are kind and uplifting to yourself. The world does a really good job of trying to knock us down these days… please don’t add to it internally. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you are worth the time and energy it takes to heal. Don’t let your inner voice tear you down any more.. tell it to rest. Find the source of the negativity and build a bridge to a more positive and healing perspective. You’re worth it.
I am cheering you on every step of the way.
With so much love,
Lauren K. ❤
Chronically Faithful 